We are in the first of October the last quarter of the year can you believe it! I can’t. In my opinion, 2020 has been the looooongest/ shortest year ever. Some days I feel like I’m a perpetual loop and others I feel like I’m on a race track and can’t keep up. September was challenging. I had a death in the family, had housing woes and just trying to keep up with work and my kid’ s schoolwork. The biggest issue I’ve had through all of it is believing and trusting God that things would just be ok. Not a miracle, no Red Sea action, just ok.
I felt like I was on the ropes and everytime I attempted to move I would get hit with a shot to the kidney and then the temple. I say that because those are some of the worst areas to get hit and also some of the most stunning of blows. When I know I’m in a state of uncertainty, I do tend to turn to devotions and the Bible. I’m currently reading 100 Days of Believing Bigger by Marshawn Evans Daniels. This week has been about trust. On day, seven, she writes.. ” our intimacy with Him reveals His consistency toward us”.
My fear doesn’t come from me not knowing God can but actually KNOWING God. During times of stress I tend to dig in and dig in deep! How will I fix this? What can I do to help? Meanwhile, here I am…finite and powerless without a power source. I have head knowledge but I still run head first trying to fix things. Which is why gentle and sometimes not so gentle reminders come up to show me that I don’t have control over everything. That scares me.
I like lists and tasks and go over in my mind what needs to come next. But that doesn’t leave a lot of room for God. And it certainly doesn’t build intimacy. So when I ask, I ask like I’m coming to a distant rich uncle instead of my Dad, who has kept me safe time and time again. The distance is purely on my part and I don’t always notice it has happened until it does. This time I’ve had to be still, I’ve had to sit and sit quietly. And boy have I learned somethings about me. But most importantly, I learned some new things about God, mostly He isn’t new and His protection and guidance never left. So when you ask Our Father for anything are you coming as a daughter or a stranger asking for a favor?
Who is asking?