Honestly, I’m lying

What is the one thing that really gets you irratated? The thing that makes you feel just the most out of sorts…mine is lying. I don’t know if lying gets me because it was both of my parents’ biggest pet peeves or if it’s just my internal North Star but lying burns me alive. Manipulation by deed, word or action or ommission of those same deed, word or actions is my definition of lying. Now here’s the thing that I haven’t quite wrapped my own mind around is when I lie to myself. I’m going to read that book when x,y or z happens. I’m going to write that book when x,y, or z happens. I’ll never do (insert whatever here).

I’ve recently come to terms with lies I told myself to make myself feel better about certain actions or better yet inactions in my life. Truth is…I’m the one fully in the driver seat of my life… of course I defer a great deal to God ..but even He gives me freewill and I’ve made some choices that were contrary to what I believe is the best for me. So today I started to date me… Like literally I sent myself flowers today to celebrate the end of a very tough semester of grad school. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have received flowers in my life. But I love flowers so much…I can’t grow anything to save my life so cut flowers are the best deal for me LOL. But I started thinking like Renee, you’ve come so far. I said back in 2009, when I graduated with my degree that I would get my Master’s and here I am a few semesters away from graduation. A process I was sure was going to take me three years should end next year …that’s huge. I work full-time, I have three full-time biochildren that live with me and a stepson and a husband and I’m in a pandemic… All of that and I ended the hardest semester with all As….all As while homeschooling…..while working….and I not only survived I thrived.

Damnit I deserve some flowers….and so flowers I got. Don’t lie to yourself any more. Don’t blame others for your current circumstances, people will treat you how you allow. If you make excuses for them…they will excuse you right out of the life you truly want. Don’t leave your happiness in the hands of any living person. Set people free. Set yourself free. And most importantly be honest.

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