Now, I do believe I’m something special

Can’t take that from me

So you can say what you want

I go harder, stronger

Be who I’m supposed to be

Song: Unstoppable, Artist: Koryn Hawthorne

I have been filling my heart and mind with positive affirmations, thoughts and songs over the last few weeks. As I stated in my last post, I’ve been doing some soul searching and to be honest it hasn’t all come up roses for me. I feel like as I look over the ending of my 20s that I got a bit caught up in things that didn’t really have me in them. I gave a lot of myself, heart and time to a dead situation. People who don’t like you….should not be the focus of your energy. But so much of my 20s and heck even now has been spent wondering and questioning, “what if I did this” or “try that”. Lost energy hun. Lost energy…or should I say unfocused or misfocused (I made it up lol) energy.

Now I’m trying to get back to the essence of me and the best way to do that is to remind myself who I am! I mean fully. I’ve been really seeking God and asking…what’s really going on? Why do I feel so empty currently. There are so many things going right for me right now…so why do I feel so wrong?

Have you ever gotten so caught up in the mundane or routine or the cycle (this could even be abuse in some cases) that you have transformed yourself or rather deformed yourself into a caricature of the real you? The respectability politicking you find yourself submerged in or toning down that laugh…or blushing when that non-King English phrase utters from your lips? Those things are so minute. There are spaces and places just waiting for your words, your laugh, yourself to fill them. The people there are in need of your story just the way you tell it. Whether you have 4c tightly coiled hair or a gap or glasses or whatever you see or feel makes you inadequate. Those are the things that will be used to get you into the next space.

Keep pushing and keep the first things first.