Let Me Love You

Do you remember your first love? How does that memory make you feel today? Do you regret the decision to give away your heart? Do you feel that it was an actual decision or something you kind of fell into? 

For me, love has always been complicated. By complicated I mean…I was a bit callous. I wasn’t cautious with my heart, my heart was hidden beneath several thiiiiick layers of  “you’re not going to hurt me”. While being cautious is wise being afraid isn’t. 

Fear breeds nothing good. In fact, the only thing that does grow is the fear. I decided in 2011, due to another challenge created by a friend called Radical seven, to try love. 

Like real love. Not that controlled or controlling situations I had before. When I opened myself up…I met my husband.

Truth is…I had known my husband for years…just didn’t know that’s who he was. We were friends for years and he approached me with the “something more” talk. I at first totally dismissed the idea…why? FEAR. 
Irony is not lost on me that here I sit 6 years  in still amazed. Amazed that I’m here in such a loving place. I’m a wife, a mother…I had crazy standards. Like… ridiculously unattainable.  Just walls. Fear. The crazy part was the guys that fit my list criteria… were actually only good on paper lol

Now, standards are good, but look at where the attributes come from. Are you healed, healthy and have love for yourself? Only you know the answer. 

Truth is love is ever evolving. But if your sense of self is warped it can make this difficult. 

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